Tablets Are For Girls

07/19/2011 Comments Off on Tablets Are For Girls iOS Apps, Tablets & Technology Like

No seriously, they are! Turns out chicks dig tablet computers, not necessarily the geeks that use them. Of course, this goes without saying, but present company excluded. I mean; the women are all over this guy. Oh ya. Big time. Yup… big time. Babe magnet…. Me. Tell your friends.

Anyways, I was hoping to come up with a bunch of stats about what percentage of tablet users are women, but quite frankly I couldn’t find anything. I mean, absolutely nothing. I looked, but apparently there’s no 411 on dames and tablet computers. I checked “hot lonely women and tablet computers”, “buxom blond bombshells and tablet computers’, and even “saucy redheads and tablet computers”. Nuthin! I know you’re out there. Call me!

So, once again I’m out of the loop when it comes to the fairer sex. So being a dude, all I can do is speculate as to what women may want when it comes to tablets, accessories and apps. Having said all that, I did come across an interesting chart comparing gender preferences when it comes to screen size. (Oh, here we go. It’s always about size). Check it.

Apparently, men are equally pleased if they possess a seven or ten incher, while women tend to shy away from the ten inch behemoth. There’s even an indication that women may prefer a 5-inch model, while men hang their heads at the thought and buy a sports car instead.

So, anyway ladies, brace yourself, here’s my best guess as to your desires when it comes to tablet PCs and accoutrements (that’s another big word like wheelbarrow or felopian tube).

Hey, here’s one. Seeing as women have ovaries and men typically don’t, this may not pass as overtly sexist. Behold, I present the “Contractions” app by Cliff Maier. (Of course, it would be a MAN who would come up with this app.) That, and bras. I like bras. Thanks anonymous dude who invented the bra.

You know, just in passing, did you know that the myth of the bra-burning feminist is completely false. Apparently it never happened. Check out this insightful article on snopes.com, but promise me you’ll come back, because, well, I’m desperately, desperately lonely.

Where was I? Oh, the “Contraction” app by Cliff Maier. If you’re unable to determine the amount of time that passes between each agonizing contraction, than this app’s for you. Imaging the joy of documenting each torturous moment as you frantically push this watermelon through your nether regions. Now, you’ll experience the splendor of knowing exactly when this basketball-sized cantaloupe finally passes through your most sensitive organ. In between ridiculous breathing techniques and hurling insults at your partner, you can record this mind numbing misery in excruciating detail, assured that your despondency will be recorded in perpetuity, forever. FOREVER! Buy one today.

Download on the App Store

Does your baby’s stool infinitely fascinate you? When enjoying Cosmos with your girlfriends, do you love to describe your baby’s poop in minute detail? Who doesn’t? Well, we have just the app for you. Enter the Baby Tracker: Diapers by ANDESigned. Finally, you don’t have to come up with original and exciting definitions for your baby’s butt gravy. Yes, it’s all laid out for you. I mean, it can’t accurately reproduce the feel of your baby’s blow mud, but, hopefully, one day… (fingers crossed). Imagine the fun of charting the amount of diaper changes in one day. There’s nothing I’d rather do. You can also record the date and consistency. You’d be crazy not to. Buy it now. Your doctor will thank you (I think).

Download on the App Store

For those who are a little more practically minded, we present the best selling shopping app in the App Store. We present to you: Shopper – Shopping List, Flyer Specials, Recipes, Stores, Scanner and more! By MidCentury Software.

As the name suggests this shopping app is an exceptionally useful tool for organizing your shopping excursions. Naturally, you can create a shopping list, but even this is made easier, thanks to the scanning feature. Now it’s a breeze to identify your favorite items without having to guess at their names.

The Shopping app can help you organize your outings in any number of ways. For example, if you are shopping for groceries you can group items by types. Is it a beverage, fruit, or snack? You can also organize your list by which aisles you can find your desired product. The Shopper app can also save you money by providing name brand coupons right on your list.

Why not organize your shopping by store type, i.e. clothing, pharmacy, etc? For 99 cents, this app is a steal. Highly recommended, ladies (and men). And men, when you’re out there, why not pick up your lady some lovely flowers. Put that in your app and buy it. You’re welcome ladies.

Download on the App Store

UPDATE: Check out Tablets Are For Girls Part 2 and Tablets Are For Girls Part 3.